Dear pumpernickel bagel I annihilated in the car today,
I apologize for attacking you with such ferocity, but, as you can clearly surmise by the way I ate you in 10 bites, I was hungry.
Please forgive me for not treating you with more lady-like decency; you deserve much better than this. However, it's your fault for being so delicious and so readily available in the supermarket bakery. Thank you for filling my belly with delicious carbs so that I could make my way home without trying to gnaw my arm off.
I love pumpernickel bread (and bagels). I don't usually buy pumpernickel because Craig does not share my love for it. So today, after I had coffee with my friends from the gym, I stopped in the grocery store next door to pick up some lettuce for tacos tonight. It was well past noon and I had not eaten anything after my workout. The large iced latte I drank did a fine job of curbing my appetite for a short while, but by the time I left Caribou coffee, I knew I needed to eat something. So, I grabbed the lettuce, swung by the bakery and saw a pumpernickel bagel. Cue the hallelujah chorus. The pumpernickel bagel spoke to me. Clearly, I had to obey.
And obey I did.
I plopped the bagel in a bag, hoofed it to self checkout and left the store in full-on carb attack mode. I also had the forethought to apply hand sanitizer (hello, compulsive hand washer) as I walked through the parking lot so that I was ready to eat the minute I got situated in the car. That poor bagel never had a chance. Earlier I said I ate it in 10 bites, but I think that number was too generous. My bagel devouring session may not have been the most decorous scene, but I was simply too hungry to care. Sometimes hunger trumps good manners.
The whole time I found myself saying a muffled "I love food" over and over.
I know it's best to not let myself get so hungry that I find myself attacking a bagel with reckless abandon from behind the wheel of my car, but sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do.
I just pray no one witnessed Bagel Shovel Fest 2010 because that would be embarassing. Yep, even more embarrasing than retelling the story on the internet for anyone to read.
Do you think I should reexamine my standards?