Saturday, May 8, 2010

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be Terminally Pathetic

Every little girl's wish for her life.

When I was young, I'm pretty sure that I never hoped to grow up and be terminally pathetic. Who would? Although in the back of my pessimistic mind, I probably knew that was where I was headed. As a kid, I'm sure I imagined I'd grow up to be teacher or a nurse. Perhaps a stock broker in a stuffy suit or well, I'm not really sure. Back then, I didn't really know what I wanted to be when I grew up. What's kind of sad is that I STILL don't have a real idea. On the bright side, I seem to do pretty well in the stay at home mom/lady of leisure position, so I'm not exactly complaining.

Actually, in many ways, I have a charmed (or at least a semi) charmed life. Trust me, I'm not really complaining.

Although, as I sit here on a Saturday afternoon, on my bedroom floor with my laptop, a cold Diet Coke and the tv turned to the Food Network, I think it's safe to assume that charmed life or not, it's still pretty dull.

When I was young I had a pretty idealized view of how grown up family life should be. As absurd as this sounds, I vividly remember a Hanes commercial in which the whole family, mom, dad and kids spent their Saturday in their comfortable Hanes sweatsuits. They ran errands, walked the dog, ate lunch and then piled on to the couch with for a lazy afternoon all while a happy jingle played in the background. For years, this commercial has stuck in my mind as the optimal Saturday family experience. Snappy jingle and all.

As my life has progressed and moved into the having-a-family-of-my-own territory, I don't think I've ever had one of those Hanes experiences. For one, I don't really wear sweatsuits; they're less than flattering for my body type. And also, I can't sit down on the couch on a Saturday afternoon without noticing a dirty TV screen or a dusty entertainment center. Maybe the lady in the Hanes commercial has a cleaning lady?

Don't get me wrong, my Saturdays are often perfectly lovely, but I wonder if I'll ever quit hoping that life would be like the movies. Or, in my case, like a Hanes commercial.

In keeping with the terminally pathetic theme, I used some of the baby sitting money I earned last week to buy myself a Shark steam mop. When I told my mom about my purchase, she was like, "you used baby sitting money to buy a MOP?" To which I replied, "Um, yes?" somewhat sheepishly. Sure it seems kind of sad and pathetic to buy a mop, but, well, what do you expect from someone who refers to herself as the Neurotic Housewife?
And the worst part is that I'm over the moon ecstatic about it. I just received email notification that it has shipped and I seriously squeed with delight.

That's what happens when you're old and pathetic.

Mops make you happy. And steam mops make you super, ultra, mega happy.

Or, maybe that's just me?

In other unrelated news, Caroline's soccer team won their game today! Except, they don't keep score. Officially, that is. You know those girls are keeping a mental tab.

This is the first win for the Tigers and let me tell you, after a tie and two subsequent blow outs, this win was over due and greatly appreciated.

Caroline played goalie for half the game and didn't let in any balls. She even blocked a penalty shot. I think I was more relieved than she was! It's a nerve wracking thing being the mom of the goalie.

She handles the pressure far better than I ever could.


nancy said...

It's good to have achievable goals in life.
I wish I could find the "we ate your M&Ms and we're BAD" poem! I know I kept it, but just where, I don't know.

Alison said...

That poem was really funny; I hope you can find it.
Wait until you see tomorrow's Mother's Day poem. It's not nearly as good as the M&M poem, but I'm no Nancy.
Compared to you, my skilz are sub standard.

Oh, do you have a copy of the sandwhich poem you wrote? I was telling Caroline about it. They've been doing a poetry unit at school and I think she'd get a kick out of.

"Once I made a sandwhich that was bigger than my head. It began with peanut sourdough banana raisin bread" Or something like that.